You Should Settle For Less Than Perfection

Yes, you should settle for less than perfection.  In fact, the farther from it, the better.

Did that get a rise out of you?  Or at least catch your attention long enough to give the rest of this post a shot?  Don't worry, I didn't mean that in a moral sense.  Complete honesty and integrity are always the best policy.  But there are other ways we seek perfection, ways that can be a real pain.

Have you ever been annoyed that you had to stand in line?

Upset that things took longer than they should?

Riled up by another's comment that wasn't phrased sensitively?

Distressed by procedures that increase hassle and minimize effectiveness?

Disappointed that you had to give more than your share?

If so, you're probably relatively normal.  You're also probably a bit of a perfectionist, in a completely different way than how people normally use the term.  Rather than imposing perfect standards on yourself, you try to do it to the world.  Instead of rolling with the punches, you growl back at them, as if that will help frighten them off.

But there's a problem with that approach.

No, I'm not going to lecture you about how those things are out of your control, although that's true.

And I'm not even going to say that the problem is the fact that you're annoyed by the situation.

The problem is that you're not ok with being annoyed.

Yes, that's what I said.  I'm on a roll today, aren't I?

You see, annoying things happen in life.  It isn't reasonable to expect that you're always going to be emotionally bulletproof enough not to ever have any kind of reaction to imperfect situations.  But it's what you do at that moment that defines what kind of life you're going to live.  This is illustrated perfectly by a variant telling of a common Cherokee Legend.

An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, "Let me tell you a story.

I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.

But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy.  It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die.  I have struggled with these feelings many times."  He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me.  One is good and does no harm.  He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended.  He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.

But the other wolf, ah!  He is full of anger.  The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper.  He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason.  He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great.  It is helpless anger, for his anger will change nothing.  Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."

The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"

The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "the one I feed."

You may have heard that story before, but I doubt you thought about it during your 20 minute wait for the register at Wal-Mart.  When annoyance comes, what do you do?  Do you complain?  Do you let it fester until it ruined your whole day?  Or do you let it go?

In my own life, I've found that the story of the two wolves is true; the feelings I act on through thoughts, words, or behavior grow and those I let go of lose their power, especially over time.  This idea is similar to last week's post about not having to act in concordance with our feelings.  We make our own decisions, and we don't have to do what our emotions tell us.

If I had to define the above in a single word it would be meek.  A well-respected religious leader once described that:

Meekness is strong, not weak; active, not passive; courageous, not timid; restrained, not excessive; modest, not self-aggrandizing; and gracious, not brash. A meek person is not easily provoked, pretentious, or overbearing and readily acknowledges the accomplishments of others.

The most obvious criticism of this idea is the claim that meekness means that we always have to "take everything lying down" instead of standing up for ourselves.  But remember that in the Cherokee legend, the grandfather suggested that there are times when fighting is appropriate.  "He will only fight when it is right to do so and in the right way."

I would suggest that meekness is not incompatible with fighting or any other type of behavior.  Rather, to be meek is to have the spirit with which one acts based on calmness, love, and a distinct lack of hostility.  A person can be both meek and assertive, both docile and bold, both humble and confident.  Think of the way Mahatma Gandhi used peaceful protest to shape the fate of his people or the way Jesus called out the hypocrisy of society without breaking a bruised reed.  Ultimately, meekness is not a condition but a way of life.  And the decision to ascribe to it is ours.

Believe it or not, I think the seeds of meekness may be in you already.  If we were talking face to face, I might ask you to rate on a scale of 1 to 10 how confident you are that you will act to incorporate meekness more fully into your life as a result of reading this post.  Even if your answer was low, I'd then ask why your answer wasn't a 1.  Or why it wasn't a 0 (Ha!  You didn't even know that was an option, did you?).  Chances are, you'd be able to come up with some kind of answer.  That shows that meekness really isn't completely foreign to your character.  There's something deep inside you that sees it as a good thing.  The trick is letting yourself believe it enough to begin making decisions in that light.

As for how to do that, the opportunities are all around us.  The imperfections of life deluge us in chances to feed the meek wolf at the store, school, home, and work.  Now that you see that choice for what it is, you can make changes in the way you react to the emotions you feel as you pass through daily life.  The shift may be subtle at first, but it will come.  All big things begin small.

No matter what you do, don't give up trying.  Meekness is worth the fight, even when it seems in the moment so much easier to throw the remote at the wall.  You may make mistakes, but always push forward.  The choice to keep fighting for excellence of mind, body, and character is worth the struggle.

In that sense, at least, you should never settle for less than perfection.

If you would like to stay updated on my posts, you can subscribe and/or like The Modest Miracle's Facebook page.

Photo attribution: USFWS Endangered Species Photostream, "Endangered, threated gray wolf (Endangered gray wolf (Canis lupus))" https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/legalcode